They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
