I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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