I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
