just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
