did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
