so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
