Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
