my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
