He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
