Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
