i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
