apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Someone signed my nipple.
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