I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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