next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
