So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
did you just send me my own nude
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
