you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
