Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
