I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
