my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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