just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
