Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
