she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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