sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
