Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
