i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
