so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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