Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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