he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
