just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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