then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
