he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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