Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
