I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
