I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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