your room smells of hookers.
And success
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
