we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
