Four minutes until I can fart!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
