Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
