It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
