Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
