so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
