After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
