Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
