i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
