Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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