I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You need Xanax blowdarts
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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