How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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