Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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