I skipped work to stalk him.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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