Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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